28 thoughts on “My Life at a Glance: January Week 5”
I liked your goals, but I must admit, I laughed out loud when I came across the “vacuum more” one. Indeed, that’s a goal I should have for myself, especially when I find my kids’ food crumbs on the floor. Things like that used to drive me nuts, but I guess I’m mellowing out in my old age. Or am just getting lazier.
Glad you avoided the ‘douchebags’ at the gym. Don’t let them or anyone else keep you from your fitness goals!
Awwww… haha.. it feels like doom… and somehow it’s comforting to admit that to myself than to deny it. Like validating my deepest fears, airing them out, and letting them fly away. Its so much harder harboring them inside. This way, I can admit what’s really brewing beneath, and let intellect come in after. Grief recovery. So not easy. Thank youuuu
haha… it’s more of a feeling of doom… that my life isn’t going according to plan… man.. but it feels good to admit it…. a relief…
I just really wish you happiness, Pink! Because that’s what friends are for.
Awwww…. funny thing is though, after reading, contentment is better than the than fleeting moments of happiness. I realize that while I am content most of the time, its normal too to feel less content with other aspects, and by expressing this, I feel better for it. Vent it out, release the emotional buildup, and move on. Kind of like removing plaque buildup in our heads, allows for new growth
Normally we set a goal, at the most the three, but look at you, or yours…32? Geez, I’d be dead by the time, I accomplish all those. 😊
LOLOLOL… good point.. More of a lifetime… I can’t remember the last time I made a list… I think when I was like 14? or like 20s? And I did accomplish each one, albeit superficial. Hence, I’m excited to rejuvenate new ones…
Your amazing, Pink! I wish I have that energy, but I’m born sickly. 😔 But, I am so happy for you! For me, goal no.1 is the best! I am praying that you’d find him, that deserves the beautiful woman in you. Love you, love you always! 😊
Awww.. haha.. it’s more like for me, be open to it if it comes along, and be open to it if it doesn’t. Like Que Sera Sera. Instead of like trying to force it to be either way. That’s a HUGE step for me as I’m such a control freak. Mind you, I have lots of barriers to wanting to be in marriage as I’m fairly traumatized from it. So like, it’s a big step to admit that I don’t have to go through this alone, should God wish to provide support. If not, that’s cool too. I can deal with it. Not sure if that makes sense… being open like water…
My goodness, Pink! Stop rationalizing for once, just fall! 😀
haha.. that’s what gets me in trouble in the first place logic works better for me hugsss
Pink, if food and drugs have their expiration, we, women do have too! Life is too short to deprive yourself of love. Stop being smart! Put down the pen for a while, grab some lipstick and have fun! 😄
You’re so cute haha.. yeah.. been there, done that… I prefer the logical approach now.. been too impulsive and emotional before, got me into LOTS of bad situations. LOTS.. hugsssss…
I’ve heard that writing your goals down, as well as sharing them are two of the most important steps to take in achieving them, mashAllah you are a wonderful person to be looking to better yourself.
Of course I do not want to assume that I know what your trials have been in this life, but I felt I could really relate to your words, when you said “sometimes it feels safer to be stuck”. Too true sister!
I also really loved the quote you included regarding the right to be angry at God, I find this to be very true and unfortunate that even though Islam is such an amazing path and holds so many spiritual “keys” so to speak, I find in general the ummah to be a bit unrealistic with their life advice ie: “just pray more,” “just be happy for what God already gave you.” It leaves a person feeling really isolated if they are having serious problems arise, or very overwhelming emotions.
Your eloquence is amazing in all of your entries, I love that you share them. <3
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers
jazakullah khairun sooo much for reading through all my scribbles I was really amazed to finally realize the reason why so many converts leave, and how I can manage to stay. After admitting how disappointed I was, angry and hurt, I was able to clear the way for more peaceful emotions, but not until I worked through those barriers first. I’m so glad that it resonated with you as well, that part where we get stuck. It’s like a slow glacier that melts in time, but until then, we are slow to steer.
And yes, I totally agree! Goals need to be voiced, as a way to hold ourselves accountable first. I’m just happy they weren’t my old goals of ‘be a model’, and other more superficial goals.
Also – YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!!! Not at all! Don’t ever think that, you are an amazing lovely woman! No matter your age, your vitality really shines through your words and you have such a captivating perspective on the world and life.
Awww… jazakullah khairun. It felt good to admit it to myself though. Like feeling pathetic doesn’t make me pathetic, but allows me to air out my fears of being pathetic and that its okay to be pathetic too It’s actually quiet a relief. Sometimes, being a winner, being lovely, being pretty or whatever, and all those high expectations is really tiring. I just wanna be me. Whatever that is. Instead of being anything, just be me. What a relief Just be you.
I feel so happy with your écriture and love surrender. In my experience, pray is some talking honestly with God, so, say to Him all passing through the body, heart and soul and anything more. Your cursive writing is firm, presenting tenacity and steadly writing expression, and drawing is a good tool…to find…as on January, 29 “I don’t know when to begin”. I point out, just keep on…I scarcely know how oe what to write/express, I just write with less thinking as possible…I also don’t know to where i am going…my anniversay is near yours…I am not so young, perhaps no so old still…and I share my daily trials to be kind to others even when I don’t feel like this (my so dear mother reminder!)…my daily trial to be gentle even when I’m cranky…I try not to react, I sense myself as a man of action…please, let me tell you CALL YOU MOM MORE…I share my daily trial to be emotional honest, be full of integrity…be a good servant of God…pray more…I share my daily trial that when i can not reach or acomplish these trials I keep trying…being sensible in human (an mine) goodness…trustful in mine and in human goodness…yeah!, keep building so good w(b)oundaries…from deep woes…and, point 29., the practice of love crucible…the only one viable crucible, turning bad feelings and news into joy and confidence in human goodness…returning something bad in something better…and I try to keep on going trustful in human goodness…building daily bulits…with my love bricks…bricks of help…bricks of love. I try to respect myself, and care of my self esteem, a so tender little flower. Love. Love. Love. Always, love. I don’t know what love is, but I feel and sense love. I try to build my days with bricks of help, hope and love. Happiness is near hand. Joy is near hand. Love is inside and outside. Love is only one. My daily common bread. You are so young! Stay alive in! Be joyous!, so precious fragrance of loving…it’s a choice, touch the joy, sensing the love expression. Keep on going…the love road. It’s my daily trial…and this writing is a lovely share.
Thank you. Today, someone tried to hurt me through childish means of indirect communication via my roomie. How immature, and ridiculous. It makes me angry when people feel they can yell at me and refuse to apologize because they believe they were right. It’s so not the point. Yelling at me is not excused because one is too cheap to afford cake. Gimme a break. It’s better to be honest with yourself and admit that one is a control freak, unable to control their anger, and lacks personal responsibility in inviting the right people to certain events. On top of that, I was excluded from an event today, only to be patronized with, “weren’t you invited”, and “don’t feel bad.”. ARGHHHHH… It’s like no amount of gym can take away the anger. But once I vent it out, I feel better. Turd heads. They are always around. Worse part was when someone was walking around with a list and deliberately excluded me. Whatever witches. In the end, the ones who can really do the work will show. What I care about is helping people, forget the fools, meandering in their musings, trying to fool everyone in their ‘work.’ We know who sees in the end. God. That’s all I’m accountable to, for, and whom.
You’re so kind! Part of grief recovery is committing to total honesty with ourself rather than intellectualizing our feelings. It’s been such a relief to air these feelings out instead of bottling them up inside and acting like everything is fine. Diary is a way to digest thoughts more carefully, easily, and comfortably. Thank youuuuu
Pink, you know I don’t share your faith in God – and in prays. I believe in you as a person – and in all that you can achieve – you are a strong person … you have a generous heart and soul. It scars me to read that first on your list is to get married … happiness is not to be found through an other person – it’s to be found in yourself .. and if you haven’t found it in yourself .. you will never be happy with another person.
Greetings! Thanks for reading! The grief recovery group was a really great revelation in being honest with myself in terms of what is inside of me. I have been denying my right to happiness for so long, that it also meant being in total isolation. My first is towards whatever fate and God (or some call Universe) bestows upon me, and if for some reason that is marriage, so be it. A good counsellor once told me that we all have garbage to deal with, and we continuously work on this, and take responsibility for this. As long as we identify what this is, should someone come along, we must remember what is our responsibility to handle. I am beginning to realize that while I’m actively working on myself, the truth is this process never ends, and I should allow myself the grace of (should fate provide) a person to share my life with. As in, not extremes of seeking someone to provide it for me, but not the other extreme of closing off all possibilities (which is where I’m at now, and will be for awhile until I have taken care of some preliminary basis). Just being open to love again is a huge step for me after my history. But I appreciate your kind intentions. Always appreciated!
Thanks for sharing your goals to bettering yourself! They are very inspiring and ways that I need to change myself, too! The format of this post was extremely cute and unique with the bear and journal entries. Change takes time though, so be patient through the process. I think on the path to change you will fall down quite a bit, but you have to pick yourself up every time. May God grant you help with your every goal!
I liked your goals, but I must admit, I laughed out loud when I came across the “vacuum more” one. Indeed, that’s a goal I should have for myself, especially when I find my kids’ food crumbs on the floor. Things like that used to drive me nuts, but I guess I’m mellowing out in my old age. Or am just getting lazier.
Glad you avoided the ‘douchebags’ at the gym. Don’t let them or anyone else keep you from your fitness goals!
Awwwwwwww…hahaah.. or… vroooooommmmm.. hahaha… Yes! Douche bags! I think noon is too early on a Sunday for them. HAHA…
No, you are not doomed, Pink. The mere facts you always strive to improve yourself, there’s no way you’d end up doomed.
Awwww… haha.. it feels like doom… and somehow it’s comforting to admit that to myself than to deny it. Like validating my deepest fears, airing them out, and letting them fly away. Its so much harder harboring them inside. This way, I can admit what’s really brewing beneath, and let intellect come in after.
Grief recovery. So not easy. 
Thank youuuu
How could be a busy woman like you be doomed? 😊
haha… it’s more of a feeling of doom…
that my life isn’t going according to plan… man.. but it feels good to admit it…. a relief… 
I just really wish you happiness, Pink! Because that’s what friends are for.
Awwww…. funny thing is though, after reading, contentment is better than the than fleeting moments of happiness. I realize that while I am content most of the time, its normal too to feel less content with other aspects, and by expressing this, I feel better for it. Vent it out, release the emotional buildup, and move on. Kind of like removing plaque buildup in our heads, allows for new growth
Normally we set a goal, at the most the three, but look at you, or yours…32? Geez, I’d be dead by the time, I accomplish all those. 😊
LOLOLOL… good point..
More of a lifetime… I can’t remember the last time I made a list… I think when I was like 14? or like 20s? And I did accomplish each one, albeit superficial. Hence, I’m excited to rejuvenate new ones… 
Your amazing, Pink! I wish I have that energy, but I’m born sickly. 😔 But, I am so happy for you! For me, goal no.1 is the best! I am praying that you’d find him, that deserves the beautiful woman in you. Love you, love you always! 😊
Awww.. haha.. it’s more like for me, be open to it if it comes along, and be open to it if it doesn’t. Like Que Sera Sera. Instead of like trying to force it to be either way. That’s a HUGE step for me as I’m such a control freak. Mind you, I have lots of barriers to wanting to be in marriage as I’m fairly traumatized from it. So like, it’s a big step to admit that I don’t have to go through this alone, should God wish to provide support. If not, that’s cool too. I can deal with it. Not sure if that makes sense… being open like water…
My goodness, Pink! Stop rationalizing for once, just fall! 😀
haha.. that’s what gets me in trouble in the first place
logic works better for me 
hugsss
Pink, if food and drugs have their expiration, we, women do have too! Life is too short to deprive yourself of love. Stop being smart! Put down the pen for a while, grab some lipstick and have fun! 😄
You’re so cute
haha.. yeah.. been there, done that… I prefer the logical approach now.. been too impulsive and emotional before, got me into LOTS of bad situations. LOTS.. 
hugsssss…
I’ve heard that writing your goals down, as well as sharing them are two of the most important steps to take in achieving them, mashAllah you are a wonderful person to be looking to better yourself.
Of course I do not want to assume that I know what your trials have been in this life, but I felt I could really relate to your words, when you said “sometimes it feels safer to be stuck”. Too true sister!
I also really loved the quote you included regarding the right to be angry at God, I find this to be very true and unfortunate that even though Islam is such an amazing path and holds so many spiritual “keys” so to speak, I find in general the ummah to be a bit unrealistic with their life advice ie: “just pray more,” “just be happy for what God already gave you.” It leaves a person feeling really isolated if they are having serious problems arise, or very overwhelming emotions.
Your eloquence is amazing in all of your entries, I love that you share them. <3
I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers
Lots of love!
jazakullah khairun sooo much for reading through all my scribbles
I was really amazed to finally realize the reason why so many converts leave, and how I can manage to stay. After admitting how disappointed I was, angry and hurt, I was able to clear the way for more peaceful emotions, but not until I worked through those barriers first. I’m so glad that it resonated with you as well, that part where we get stuck. It’s like a slow glacier that melts in time, but until then, we are slow to steer. 
And yes, I totally agree! Goals need to be voiced, as a way to hold ourselves accountable first. I’m just happy they weren’t my old goals of ‘be a model’, and other more superficial goals.
Jazakullah khairun for reading!
Pink.
Also – YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!!! Not at all! Don’t ever think that, you are an amazing lovely woman! No matter your age, your vitality really shines through your words and you have such a captivating perspective on the world and life.
Awww… jazakullah khairun. It felt good to admit it to myself though. Like feeling pathetic doesn’t make me pathetic, but allows me to air out my fears of being pathetic and that its okay to be pathetic too
It’s actually quiet a relief. Sometimes, being a winner, being lovely, being pretty or whatever, and all those high expectations is really tiring. I just wanna be me. Whatever that is. Instead of being anything, just be me. 
What a relief 
Just be you. 
I feel so happy with your écriture and love surrender. In my experience, pray is some talking honestly with God, so, say to Him all passing through the body, heart and soul and anything more. Your cursive writing is firm, presenting tenacity and steadly writing expression, and drawing is a good tool…to find…as on January, 29 “I don’t know when to begin”. I point out, just keep on…I scarcely know how oe what to write/express, I just write with less thinking as possible…I also don’t know to where i am going…my anniversay is near yours…I am not so young, perhaps no so old still…and I share my daily trials to be kind to others even when I don’t feel like this (my so dear mother reminder!)…my daily trial to be gentle even when I’m cranky…I try not to react, I sense myself as a man of action…please, let me tell you CALL YOU MOM MORE…I share my daily trial to be emotional honest, be full of integrity…be a good servant of God…pray more…I share my daily trial that when i can not reach or acomplish these trials I keep trying…being sensible in human (an mine) goodness…trustful in mine and in human goodness…yeah!, keep building so good w(b)oundaries…from deep woes…and, point 29., the practice of love crucible…the only one viable crucible, turning bad feelings and news into joy and confidence in human goodness…returning something bad in something better…and I try to keep on going trustful in human goodness…building daily bulits…with my love bricks…bricks of help…bricks of love. I try to respect myself, and care of my self esteem, a so tender little flower. Love. Love. Love. Always, love. I don’t know what love is, but I feel and sense love. I try to build my days with bricks of help, hope and love. Happiness is near hand. Joy is near hand. Love is inside and outside. Love is only one. My daily common bread. You are so young! Stay alive in! Be joyous!, so precious fragrance of loving…it’s a choice, touch the joy, sensing the love expression. Keep on going…the love road. It’s my daily trial…and this writing is a lovely share.
Thank you. Today, someone tried to hurt me through childish means of indirect communication via my roomie. How immature, and ridiculous. It makes me angry when people feel they can yell at me and refuse to apologize because they believe they were right. It’s so not the point. Yelling at me is not excused because one is too cheap to afford cake. Gimme a break. It’s better to be honest with yourself and admit that one is a control freak, unable to control their anger, and lacks personal responsibility in inviting the right people to certain events. On top of that, I was excluded from an event today, only to be patronized with, “weren’t you invited”, and “don’t feel bad.”. ARGHHHHH… It’s like no amount of gym can take away the anger. But once I vent it out, I feel better. Turd heads. They are always around. Worse part was when someone was walking around with a list and deliberately excluded me. Whatever witches. In the end, the ones who can really do the work will show. What I care about is helping people, forget the fools, meandering in their musings, trying to fool everyone in their ‘work.’ We know who sees in the end. God. That’s all I’m accountable to, for, and whom.
Thanks for listening. My daily bread!
Pink.
Always love reading about your faith in God. I know life is hard, but you can just see the love and patience, even if it is hard haha
You’re so kind! Part of grief recovery is committing to total honesty with ourself rather than intellectualizing our feelings.
It’s been such a relief to air these feelings out instead of bottling them up inside and acting like everything is fine. 
Diary is a way to digest thoughts more carefully, easily, and comfortably. 
Thank youuuuu
Pink, you know I don’t share your faith in God – and in prays. I believe in you as a person – and in all that you can achieve – you are a strong person … you have a generous heart and soul. It scars me to read that first on your list is to get married … happiness is not to be found through an other person – it’s to be found in yourself .. and if you haven’t found it in yourself .. you will never be happy with another person.
Greetings! Thanks for reading! The grief recovery group was a really great revelation in being honest with myself in terms of what is inside of me. I have been denying my right to happiness for so long, that it also meant being in total isolation. My first is towards whatever fate and God (or some call Universe) bestows upon me, and if for some reason that is marriage, so be it. A good counsellor once told me that we all have garbage to deal with, and we continuously work on this, and take responsibility for this. As long as we identify what this is, should someone come along, we must remember what is our responsibility to handle. I am beginning to realize that while I’m actively working on myself, the truth is this process never ends, and I should allow myself the grace of (should fate provide) a person to share my life with. As in, not extremes of seeking someone to provide it for me, but not the other extreme of closing off all possibilities (which is where I’m at now, and will be for awhile until I have taken care of some preliminary basis). Just being open to love again is a huge step for me after my history.
But I appreciate your kind intentions. Always appreciated! 
Thanks for sharing your goals to bettering yourself! They are very inspiring and ways that I need to change myself, too! The format of this post was extremely cute and unique with the bear and journal entries. Change takes time though, so be patient through the process. I think on the path to change you will fall down quite a bit, but you have to pick yourself up every time. May God grant you help with your every goal!
You’re most kind and correct.
The key is to get back on the horse, for sure! Thank you ever so much for reading! 