Boo yah!
Sometimes, life is about taking it by the horns. And in a gentle way, turning a difficulty onto the ground. Walking away.
Turning down takers (people who just take-and-take-and-take-and-take. And take), means turning it around and encouraging them to continue in the positive steps they have already taken, and empowering them to reach out to others for support instead of your much-too-busy-self with a sincere but direct explanation (which I have learned, true friends don’t require. Usually. As they don’t ask for more than you can give).
It means not feeling guilty in saying no to a friendship (or past relationship) where all I do is give. I deserve to receive too. Nicely packaged words, and kindly bowed.
Boo yah!
It feels good. It takes away this idea that only YOU can help them. It puts the onus back on them to take responsibility for their actions, to seek solutions that work for them, and provides the length of distance you need to not hate-their-guts by the end of all this. It means putting priority on your already-committed-to-this stuff first. Because what good is your “yes” if you find yourself saying “no” later on.
Yes, I know taking on the fifth (or sixth/ seventh?) volunteer commitment was really pushing it, my schedule. Add to that studies that come and a house guest in the Fall, insha’Allah, and its like, watch my head squeeze into explosion.
Thus, feeling better in doing better is part of me learning what to take on. Are you friends good FOR you and TO you, thanks to Stormlover http://lifeinthedashlane.wordpress.com/ who taught me this, alhumdulillah.
Which brings me to another point. My blog readers (ah-hem, YOU) have been more supportive of me than well, my own real friends at times. Yes, yes, I have really good friends. But like, online supporters are different. They always there. Listen to your problems. And are just there to cheer you on. I find with ‘live’ friendships sometimes, it gets so caught up in the noise, they don’t really hear me.
Or like, my friends will hold old outdated versions of me. Like as if I haven’t upgraded since. Or they will take perceptions of me that are just one of many images of who I am. It’s hard to explain, but I can truly say that this blog, alhumdulillah, helped me get through the viruses of my life. Not sure if that makes sense. But someone once told me to not underestimate online support. I’m guessing he’s right.
In addition, maybe our geographic regions limit who we get to meet, while the online sphere allows kindred spirits to connect better. This wireless friendship that can touch our hearts even more than distant neighbors. Ameen. And thank you. 
Song: “One Life”, Hedley
Awesome post my friend……….kudos (and thank you) !
Awwww.. hahaha.. Thank YOU!!
I had a similar incident last week regarding a “taker”. This person called me up, dumped a bunch of responsibility in my lap (that I didn’t ask for) and ended up complaining about the quality of work I did. After I received the complaint I very politely suggested that they hire a professional (at a steep cost) to help them. I started outsourcing help for takers a few years ago and so far it’s worked great for me.
P.S. Great post!
Awwww… thank you sooo much for the kind compliment!
Love your suggestion of ‘outsourcing for takers’! That is sooo true! Instead of me trying to prove myself to myself I figured it’s better not to as I’ll end up trying to please the wrong person in the end anyways. It is frustrating too, as they complain anyhow, thus lack of appreciation means less reasons to be engaged with such individuals.
Thank you for sharing your example! It’s nice to know it’s okay to say ‘no’ to such individuals. And congrats on you outsourcing!
I’ll definitely apply this to friendships as well as professional circles… 